Evaluation of this past year

Ive gone through alot this year. I don't know that I changed that much but I definitly learned and/or realized a few important things.

I've learnt that trying to follow the RULES for how boy girl relationships should work is dumb. Sending telepathic messages that he should call isn't gonna work. Sending him a text message has a higher sucsess rate. This doesnt mean it's easy, it's putting yourself on the line and after you send it you will have to fight the urge to throw up, but when he calls 5 min later, it's worth it. I'm also not talking about stalking or being overly pushy, just being normal and if you wanna give him a call to see how hes doing, go for it dont wait for him.

I'm really alot more feminist that i thought. I'm not militant, I don't think I have anything to prove, Theres no agenda, I dont think men and women are the same. It's just clear to me that there are differences but first and formost everyone is a person and if you realize that certain things just make no sense. Like wating for guys to make the first move.

Ive learn't that being yourself helps also. I used to feel really threatened by Tonny's goodness, so I was always trying to push the limits being as bad as I knew how to be (admittedly that wasnt all that bad....) but since we broke up I've become more secure with myself and I really am a good girl. Not perfect, there's still room for improvment, but I don't need to go to parties and drink just to make a point about how not good I am. I'll go but only if I'm honestly enjoying myself.

Guitar is hard. And requires alot of practice to be any good. But the theory is easy. And mastering guitar is a better summer project than trying to get married. And when you stop focusing on trying to get married, you are much healthier mentally and guy stuff just kinda falls into place. Not that I never get jelouse when people get engaged. But its getting easier. The point of being married is that you wanna be with the guy, not that you wanna be married. There's no right age. And as Moshe always says, just cuz you made aliyah and are married doesn't mean you've accomplished all there is to do in life.

Dating is akward. If the date isnt fun and if you dont enjoy talking to him, its not worth it. You need to be able to be friends with the person. And phone calls are for talking not just for finding out if they are available for a date that night. Conversation should just flow. For hours. Without you noticing the time. And not just dating. Also making friends. And finding roomates. Sometime you just click. And when you don't no point in forcing it.

Changing is hard. Just cuz I'm in university doesnt mean my study habits suddenly became good. But, same as always I'm managing. My average for the year isn't bad. It would be better if I had worked harder/ at all. Maybe next year.....

I tell my mom everything. Ever since I totally fell apart pesach time. I tell her about guy stuff. It's a little weird. But good.

I have amazing parents. I'm really lucky. They are very supportive. And never pressure me about silly things like getting married.

I'm really happy Tobi is going to bar ilan next year. And Ezra and Noam are both very cute, I really like them. and miss them. And as different as they are, they are really very very similar. I geuss that makes sense, since they are identical twins.

I love Boston!!! And I miss my family. I miss being home. I miss camp!!! And Target!

I need to learn to use my friends better. I don't mind being there for them, they won't mind being there for me, thats how friends are. Except that when I was really sick only Yoni actually cared. He's a good friend. And I have a right to get mad when friends dont give me the consideration I deserve and give to them. But they are still my friends and I would rather make it work than totally write them off.

I am not going to get any of the scary diseases that happen on House. The reason they are on tv is becuase they dont happen in real life.

Telling the guy you used to like that you like someone else feels good, it's closure. And you can still be friends but now your friendship doesn't have all the stupid underlying stuff you cant say but are feeling.

I am almost ofically finished with a full year of university! It only took till I was almost 22. So what? And i didnt fail anything!! Yay!

Ummm.... that's possibly all for now, I assume no one checks this blog anymore, let's see how long I can hold it in that I have a blog..... It's easier to write coherently in a blog then in my diary for some reason.