Idiots Guide chapter 1.5: suprise visits

Something very important I forgot to mention last time- Surprise visits.
These are one of the most amazing ways of showing a girl how much you want to be with her. You are very literally saying "I could not bear to be away from you for one more second."
To make these work you do need to take some things into consideration. First and foremost you need to consider her schedule. Cuz as sweet and romantic as surprise visits are, it'll backfire majorly if she already had plans and is too busy to hang out with you. All you need to do though is ask her for her plans for the day in advance though. Do it casually, in conversation, "so what are you doing tomm?"
When you get there, right before you get to her, call her, make some small talk, casually ask "so where are you right now?" Probably after she tells you, she'll ask you where YOU are. Say something like, outdoors, or walking up the stairs, without giving an actual location, and then when she gets confused that's when you knock on the door.
Know where you are going! If you need to call her to get directions that will ruin the surprise.
How often should you surprise her? The answer to that is very dependent on both of your situations. The best time is a time you know she really need you right now, if she's sick in bed and no ones taking care of her, if she's lonely, homesick, stressed about school or work, or family, or if you haven't seen her in a while and are both very busy so probably won't see each other for a while, take one day or even just a morning or an afternoon off of whatever you were supposed to be doing and spend it with her. It will show her how important she is to you and how much you want to spend time with her. Also consideration are distance and how often you see each other. If you see each other only on weekends, you only need to surprise her in middle of the week once every few months. If you live really far and only see each other every few months, or a few times a year, just do one extra visit a year. Enough that she appreciates your thoughtfulness but not enough that she gets used to is and expects it cuz then its no longer a surprise.
Though surprise visits are most romantic for long distance relationships, even if you see her every day and live next door to her,you can still do it, but then its more cutesy than incredibly thoughtful. Pick a time she didn't think she would see you, and show up with flowers. She'll love it. In these cases it can be helpful and cute to make her think she won't see you, so that she'll really appreciate the element of surprise. Tell her you have won't be able to hang out, you have a super busy day, then show up at her door. (Just double check right before that she didn't make other plans...)
One Warning- Most girls do appreciate surprises if timed right but there are some girls who need their lives very planned and organized and surprises throw off their whole week and make them very stressed out. If your girlfriend fits that type, DO NOT surprise her!!!!

Idiots guide to being a good boyfriend

Rule number one is that the girl can't tell you what she wants. This is not because girls are sneaky and trying to play games, it is becuase she doesn't actually want the flowers (for example), what she wants is to know you're thinking about her. If she tells you what to do, you weren't thinking about her, you were following instructions. That defeats the whole point.
The goal here is to show her that she's always on your mind. That when you're not with her you miss her. There is no need for a special occasion. Any day is good!
How?
3 basic answers

• Gifts
• Plans
• Messages

Gifts. They do not have to be expensive. The point is this: You happened to notice object x and becuase She is always on your mind, you thought "hmmmm, she'd like that" So you bought it. Or maybe its a beautiful flower you saw and picked.
Also- the more you pay attention to your girlfriend, when she talks, what she owns, or what she looks at when you're together, the better you will be at this. She's very glad your thinking of her but she might wonder why you associate her with the scary skull necklace when she always wears pink and flowers. Getting a gift that is actually מתים for her shows not only that she's always on your mind, but that you know her well, and want to make her happy.
Gifts don't always need to be presented upon arrival. If you are with her, and you pass a candy store, run in and get some chocolate. If shes been spending 15 min staring at one pair of 3 dollar earings, buy them for her. If you walk by a rose bush in full bloom, pull one off for her.

Plans. Same idea. You're thinking about what would make her happy. She loves hot chocolate cake. You hear that this place has great hot chocolate cakes. You take her there. She knows that you know her well and are always thinking of her. Same goes for the beach, a concert, a show. If you make the plans in advance instead of waiting till you're with her and saying "so, what do you want to do?" this shows that you spent time and mental effort on making her happy. That's never a bad thing. Again, this does not have to cost money. The beach, a tiyul, a free outdoor preformance in a park (in the summer!!!) all good ideas, but you have to know your specific girlfriend. Taking her to a heavy metal concert when she likes pop is not gonna send the right message.
This is usually better when done in advance, but if the occasion arrises where you happen to pass by a place you know she would love, pull her inside. This doesnt exactly count as full fledged plans, and don't count on this to happen, but knowing her tastes and paying attention will get you some points.

Messages. This one is really easy in this day and age of sms, facebook, email, etc... a random message in middle of the day that says "I love you", "I miss you" "Hey beautiful" etc.... means "I was thinking about you and just wanted to say hi". In fact, those very words could also be a sweet sms.
If you wanna do one better you can combine the gift idea with the message idea and if you find a cute comic or e-card or something that you know she'd love, send that. Again the point is "I was thinking about you, wanted to say hi, and knew you'd love this. "

If you use these 3 basic rules you should be good to go. But whatever you do, don't be cliched!!!! This tips the girl off that you aren't actually thinking about her, you are following a script. Roses might be romatic but if your girl loves birds of paradise you'd get a lot more credit going that road. Beware of being too creative though, then she might think you don't really know her. Just because it's original to get a girl a turtle instead of a kitten, unless you know she actually likes turtles, stick with the cute and cuddly.
One more warning. Don't overdo it. You do not need to sned her an sms every hour. One a day is more than enough. Plans can be once a week, or even less depending on how often you see her. (The more you see her, the more often you have to make plans. Once a week is if you see her 4 or more days a week.) Gifts, use your judgment. Don't buy random crap. You probably aren't going to find something that screams her name to you that often. Very cheap, (but not crappy!!!) small gifts can be given once a week(a small chocolate bar), mid range (both shape and price, ex. a flower, cheap but pretty earings), once or twice a month, and big stuff save for special occasions.

Stay tuned for chapters on "compliments" , "special occasions" , and "dates".

Evaluation of this past year

Ive gone through alot this year. I don't know that I changed that much but I definitly learned and/or realized a few important things.

I've learnt that trying to follow the RULES for how boy girl relationships should work is dumb. Sending telepathic messages that he should call isn't gonna work. Sending him a text message has a higher sucsess rate. This doesnt mean it's easy, it's putting yourself on the line and after you send it you will have to fight the urge to throw up, but when he calls 5 min later, it's worth it. I'm also not talking about stalking or being overly pushy, just being normal and if you wanna give him a call to see how hes doing, go for it dont wait for him.

I'm really alot more feminist that i thought. I'm not militant, I don't think I have anything to prove, Theres no agenda, I dont think men and women are the same. It's just clear to me that there are differences but first and formost everyone is a person and if you realize that certain things just make no sense. Like wating for guys to make the first move.

Ive learn't that being yourself helps also. I used to feel really threatened by Tonny's goodness, so I was always trying to push the limits being as bad as I knew how to be (admittedly that wasnt all that bad....) but since we broke up I've become more secure with myself and I really am a good girl. Not perfect, there's still room for improvment, but I don't need to go to parties and drink just to make a point about how not good I am. I'll go but only if I'm honestly enjoying myself.

Guitar is hard. And requires alot of practice to be any good. But the theory is easy. And mastering guitar is a better summer project than trying to get married. And when you stop focusing on trying to get married, you are much healthier mentally and guy stuff just kinda falls into place. Not that I never get jelouse when people get engaged. But its getting easier. The point of being married is that you wanna be with the guy, not that you wanna be married. There's no right age. And as Moshe always says, just cuz you made aliyah and are married doesn't mean you've accomplished all there is to do in life.

Dating is akward. If the date isnt fun and if you dont enjoy talking to him, its not worth it. You need to be able to be friends with the person. And phone calls are for talking not just for finding out if they are available for a date that night. Conversation should just flow. For hours. Without you noticing the time. And not just dating. Also making friends. And finding roomates. Sometime you just click. And when you don't no point in forcing it.

Changing is hard. Just cuz I'm in university doesnt mean my study habits suddenly became good. But, same as always I'm managing. My average for the year isn't bad. It would be better if I had worked harder/ at all. Maybe next year.....

I tell my mom everything. Ever since I totally fell apart pesach time. I tell her about guy stuff. It's a little weird. But good.

I have amazing parents. I'm really lucky. They are very supportive. And never pressure me about silly things like getting married.

I'm really happy Tobi is going to bar ilan next year. And Ezra and Noam are both very cute, I really like them. and miss them. And as different as they are, they are really very very similar. I geuss that makes sense, since they are identical twins.

I love Boston!!! And I miss my family. I miss being home. I miss camp!!! And Target!

I need to learn to use my friends better. I don't mind being there for them, they won't mind being there for me, thats how friends are. Except that when I was really sick only Yoni actually cared. He's a good friend. And I have a right to get mad when friends dont give me the consideration I deserve and give to them. But they are still my friends and I would rather make it work than totally write them off.

I am not going to get any of the scary diseases that happen on House. The reason they are on tv is becuase they dont happen in real life.

Telling the guy you used to like that you like someone else feels good, it's closure. And you can still be friends but now your friendship doesn't have all the stupid underlying stuff you cant say but are feeling.

I am almost ofically finished with a full year of university! It only took till I was almost 22. So what? And i didnt fail anything!! Yay!

Ummm.... that's possibly all for now, I assume no one checks this blog anymore, let's see how long I can hold it in that I have a blog..... It's easier to write coherently in a blog then in my diary for some reason.

Judgmental people are bad

To who ever wrote the stupid anonymous comment on my last post,
It's my blog. I can write whatever I want. And if I'm boring you, don't read it. No one invited you anyway, I didn't tell anyone about my blog. Except Dani obviously. I happen to like writing about myself. Or maybe I'm just copying Dani, he writes about things that happen to him. Being original is overrated. Unless you are a necklace I made. Think about it.

I'm bored

So basically, this whole blogging thing was cool for about 2 days, but now I lost interest in it. Kinda like all the kippas I attempted to crochet (until I discovered how to crochet flowers). They get as big as quarters before I get bored of them. I could blame the lack of stuff to write on the boringness of my life but since I don't write about my day it can't be that. Maybe it's just my mind turning to mush do to lack of stuff to do. Vacation is nice but only in small doses. I can't wait till I start work. In other news does anyone I know and like want to be my roomate at Bar Ilan next yr? please?

Happy

It has been pointed out to me that my profile makes me sound depressed. I am a very happy person. I do not hate my life. But sometimes real life is a little boring. It would be cool if I did go to noga and was going to do army.

2 random thoughts by my sister:

Wearing sweatpants under a skirt has no point. It's to prove that not everything in life has to have a purpose. Like tonsils and apendexes.

If you do like the weather in New England, wait a minute and you won't.

The muppets

As anyone who reads the title of my blog can see, Dani was my inspiration. That is because I love Dani's blog. I am a groupie. I think I'll start a Dani's rant fan club. Most peoples blogs are either really really boring blow by blow accounts of their daily lives or really emotional spill all cry fests. My life is just not interesting enough that I think any of you care to read about what I ate for lunch and for my deep emotions I have a private diary, you know the kind you write in with a pen or pencil, and close friends to talk to. All this is just leading up to why Dani's blog is awesome. I love his random commentary on the stupider things in life and I want to be just like him. I am the other muppet. We haven't decided who's who yet, we are working on that.

Thank you Dani

Dani, you are my inspiration.